Washing machine, pinstripe dream stripped the gloss from a beauty queen
Punch and Judy, Judy, Judy
Found our nest in the Daily Express, met the Vicar in a holy vest
Punch and Judy, Punch and Judy
Brought up the children, Church of E, now I vegetate with a color TV
Worst ever thing that happened to me, oh for D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Oh Judy
Whatever happened to pillow fights?
Whatever happened to jeans so tight? Friday nights?
Whatever happened to Lover's lane?
Whatever happened to passion games? Sunday walks in the pouring rain?
Punch, Punch, Punch and Judy
Punch, Punch, Punch
Curling tongs, mogadons
I got a headache baby, don't take so long
Single beds, middle age dread, losing the war in the waistlands spread
Who left the cap off the toothpaste tube, who forgot to flush the loo?
Leave your sweaty socks outside the door
Don't walk across my polished floor.
Oh Judy
Whatever happened to morning smiles?
Whatever happened to wicked wiles? Permissive styles?
Whatever happened to twinkling eyes?
Whatever happened to hard fast drives? Compliments on unnatural size?
Punch, Punch, Punch and Judy
Punch, Punch, Punch
Propping up a bar, family car, sweating out a mortgage as a balding clerk
Punch and Judy
World War Three, suburbanshee, just slip her these pills and I'll be free
No more Judy, Judy, Judy no moreWent down to Tin Pan Alley....See what was going on
Things was too hot down there....Couldn't stay very long
Hey hey hey hey....Alley's the roughest place I've ever been
All the people down there....Livin' for their whisky, wine, and gin
I heard a woman scream....Yeah and I peeked through the door
Some cat was workin' on Annie with a....Lord with a two-by-four
Hey hey hey hey....Alley's the roughest place I've ever been
All the people down there....Livin' for their whisky, wine, and gin
I heard a pistol shoot....Yeah and it was a .44
Somebody killed a crap shooter cause he didn't....Shake, rattle, and roll
Hey hey hey hey....Alley's the roughest place I've ever been
All the people down there....Killin' for their whisky, wine, and gin
I saw a cop standin'....with his hand on his gun
Said "This is a raid boys....nobody run"
Hey, Hey, Hey....Alley's the roughest place I've ever been
Yeah they took me away from tin pan alley
And took me right back...to the pen